Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Grit-ler?

I don’t know if you’ve noticed this but, just recently, it’s been a bit snowy. Now, I’m not one for demanding news coverage but you’d think that something as dramatic as some snow in winter would make the news, wouldn’t you? What’s next? Sun in summer? And in autumn – oh my – in autumn the leaves fall from the trees.

The snow, it seems, has been the perfect opportunity for massive amounts of scaremongering. Yes it has caused disruptions up and down the country but it really didn’t need people to rush out and buy massive amounts of bread and milk in case the world ended. Or you’re invaded by a shed-load of hedgehogs (and before anyone complains, I know you shouldn’t give them bread and milk…). What the news has mainly consisted of is anintrepid roving reporter bringing us the news from the hardest hit areas, telling tales of how the local populace is coping and, in the case of Look North, showing the people of Huddersfield crossing the road on their hands and knees. Yup, we really have no shame out here – we’ll crawl across icy roads.

The news isn’t all doom and gloom though, we’ve had “snow heroes” – those people who have gone the extra mile in the snowy weather or, in the case of one 99-year old, have cleared their drive of snow. Yup, your drive may be clear old-timer, but everywhere else is ungritted so you’re still buggered. Sorry.

For some time there didn’t seem to be any news other than the weather. The snow chaos. The big freeze. The snow event. More recently it’s been lethal ice and the big thaw. But other news is fighting through – a massive, devastating earthquake in Haiti has kind of put our nippy weather into perspective somewhat, don’t you think. Oh, and Posh Spice might be a judge on American Idol – which is a bit like getting Stevie Wonder to judge a painting competition. But it’s Sky News that have snuck the best story in, I think.

I checked the news on my iPhone this morning, and three stories down the headline screamed “Shark Attack reported on Twitter”. My mind instantly flew, as I’m sure many people’s will have, to a man being eaten by a shark taking the time to update his Twitter.

“A shark is just chewing my leg off. But still, am glad am not in UK as is very icy”

This was not the case, however. The tweet in question went something along the lines of

“Holy shit. We just saw a gigantic shark eat what looked like a person in front of our house…”

This puts the tweet by Jedward speculating on the origin of the word “tattoo” (I can’t remember the first bit, but the “ooo” comes from “ooo that’s cool” – yeah it really was that good. I look forward to buying a Jedward dictionary in the near future) into second place on my “most awesome tweets I’ve seen for a while list” with the next tweet from the shark spotter “That shark was huge. Like dinosaur huge.” coming in a close third – it was dinosaur huge. When people describe dinosaurs they say “they’re as big as x number of double decker buses. This means that someone has to now convert “dinosaur huge” into “x number of buses huge” so that the average man on the street can understand it. What that careless tweet has done is make more work for someone in the size conversions department. They might use football pitches though, as people can’t remember what size a bus is now as it’s been so long since any ran in this weather. It’s great that in this day and age, rather than reach for a phone to call an emergency service or two we’ll take the time to Tweet or Facebook our predicament before we act in a more rational way.

My favourite thing of the week and the inspiration for the title of this blog, however, is the story that at the height of the snow chaos earlier in the week we managed to divert a shipment of grit bound for Germany. We diverted it. That was the word that was used. Diverted. The problem was that my mind conjured up a picture of Jonesy from Dad’s Army going up to a signpost pointing in two directions – one to Germany and one to Yorkshire – and spinning it round to confuse the truck driver and thus securing this vital grit for our own use.

Don’t Panic!


2 thoughts on “Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Grit-ler?

  1. “a bit like getting Stevie Wonder to judge a painting competition”

    Now that could not have been put any better, seriously. Overall though, I have to take my wooly hat off to England who, for once, have waited for REAL snow to allow the country to grind to a halt. Most of the time the transit system refuses to operate when the snow covering looks like Gordon Ramsay dusting a souflee before throwing it at someone.

    Our snow started to thaw yesterday, and then today it snowed heavily again. Typically.

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