I’ve reached a new low. It’s so new and so low that it even became my status of Facebook. I’ve heckled the Create and Craft channel on Sky.
For those of you who haven’t seen the Create and Craft channel allow me to explain (I am aware it will be most of you, as none of you will have had the patience or daring to venture into the high 600s while selecting a channel for your viewing pleasure). Create and Craft resides somewhere around channel 671. Ok, it is 671. I was just trying to make it look like I didn’t actually know that. The channel basically features a lot of large ladies with sausage fingers demonstrating various crafting products and techniques – usually while an insanely camp presenter throws little asides and occasional innuendo in for good measure.
Now you’re all wondering what I’m doing watching things like this, I can tell, so let me explain. My girlfriend is a crafter. She’s not large and she doesn’t have sausage fingers, but she’s bloody good at this crafting malarky and can often be found scattering the backing paper from double-sided tape and foam pads all over the kitchen floor. Or all over the offcuts of card and things that are already over the kitchen floor. These then get themselves attached to socks and are trodden through the house so that, on occasion, you’ll find that pieces of card or backing paper from the sticky things has ended up in bed with you.
Anyway tonight, as I was climbing the stairs to set up an Xbox to join in with a games night, my girlfriend flicked onto Create and Craft which is nothing strange. She flicked on, however, just as the presenter used the phrase “3D decoupage”. Now, I don’t know if you know what decoupage means – it’s one of those French words, like rendezvous, that everyone uses and someone will occasionally say “Hey, what’s the French for rendezvous” and everyone will roll around the floor laughing their arses off. Or rofltao, if you prefer. Anyway, I don’t know what decoupage means. I haven’t looked it up. From experience, however, I think it means “a lot of images that are all the same stacked on top of each other to give the picture a 3D effect, further enhanced by the clever way certain elements of the image are left out of each subsequent layer”. Roughly.
So, decoupage is already 3D. It didn’t need the 3D prefix. It spoke for itself, more or less, with the use of the word “decoupage”.