I’m home alone tonight. Carole’s gone off to the big smoke to meet up with some old friends and I’m left at home with one angry cat and one horny cat.
I’ve done what I always do, though, when Carole goes away. I’ve looked forward to the time I’ll have to myself because it makes a nice change to have the house to myself and to be able to do what I want, when I want with no immediate ramifications. It means that if I want to leave all the washing up until ten minutes before Carole’s home tomorrow then I can jolly well do that. If I want to stay in my PJs all day and have a lazy day then I can do that too. The world is my oyster.
But that’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like some alone time as much as the next person. But I find that all my grand plans for spending hours and hours doing something (be it watching films, reading or playing games) never seem to pan out. And it’s not because of any outside influences (other than the four cold callers we’ve had today). No, it’s solely down to me. Because while I want to do all these things, uninterrupted and without consequence, I find that it’s somehow just not the same. It doesn’t hold the same magic in reality as it does in my head.
Which is why I’ve found myself pootling around the house doing odd jobs here and there. I’ve been doing the washing, although that’s fairly standard, and any plans to leave all the washing up have fallen by the wayside because I spent a good half hour in the kitchen earlier straightening things up. And I’ve found myself doing things that we’ve been putting off for ages as well. That window that needed a bloody good clean? I’ve done it and now my fingers smell of cleaning stuff. The ironing? I’ve done it. Well, some of it, but – you know – baby steps.
I have, yes, played games to excess, and I have read a book for a few hours as well, but I just can’t seem to do it like I used to. I can’t seem to switch off from all responsibility for a couple of days and just chill out, living by my own rules. It just doesn’t seem to work.
My plan, this morning, was to get up solely for the departure of Carole and the head back to bed. But I didn’t even do that. I was up to say bye and once I was up I figured I might as well stay up and get a head start on my day of leisure and videogames.
And what did I find myself doing?
Pairing up socks.
At half-past-six in the morning.
I’m not sure I should be left on my own…