Well, that’s it for 2013.
Or nearly it, I suppose. There’s still a couple of hours left as I write this. A couple of hours in which to wilt and just nod off before the stroke of midnight when you’re rudely blasted from your slumber by your neighbours who have – some how – got hold of some display grade fireworks and are currently peppering the skies with explosions powerful enough to shake the contents from your bowels.
This year, I have:-
* Done stand up for the first time and really enjoyed it.
* Learnt how long it takes next door to mow the lawn.
* Had to scour the streets of the neighbourhood for the body of Pumpkin after she failed to return home one day and it turned out she was just napping in a field.
* Actually found a train to catch which gets me to work on time and allows me to have a seat!
* Failed at my reading challenge of completing 100 books by the year end (unless I can read 23 books in the next 66 minutes)
* Learnt that Peppa likes lemon meringue and will fight you for a curd tart.
* Shunned most of the contents of the advent calendar.
* Discovered that I really don’t enjoy bathing in the kitchen sink.
* Rediscovered a love of a good shower.
* Found a love of board games
* Mourned the passing of a Time Lord
* Learnt that you should never trust a plumber.
*Actually got 3 stars on every level of an Angry Birds episode.
* Made cake in a bucket.
* Agreed to see Phantom Of The Opera next year.
* Seen (and enjoyed – shhh!) a show about Julie Andrews.
* Not bought a new games console.
* Finished the year on the same amount of medication as I started it.
* Slid on the ice into our car and was asked, by many people, if I dented it.
* Caught a shrew in the back bedroom.
* Started a small fire in the kitchen.
* Broken many things.
* Mended some of them.
* Been thrown into a wall by a six year-old girl.
* Read about, but not watched, the last season of Dexter.
* Still not seen Breaking Bad.
* Or Lord Of The Rings.
* Or The Hobbit.
* Or The Wire
* Rekindled my love of shitty films by watching Sharknado.
* Spent far too much time watching Wheeler Dealers.
* And Finding Bigfoot.
* Had some comments read out on Absolute Radio.
* Picked up my harmonica and thought, I really should learn to play this properly.
* Bought too many sausage rolls.
* Messed with several cold callers.
Let’s see what 2014 has in store…