You know when people say, “I had a feeling I was being watched…” I didn’t have that feeling. In fact, I was just listening to Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio without Frank Skinner and playing games on my laptop. I was happy as Larry. It was sunny this morning so I had the back door open, I was chilling out – or as much as someone with Consumption or whatever it is I’ve got can be chilling out inbetween wheezy coughs – and all was right with the world.
I noticed some movement out of the corner of my eye.
I naturally assumed it to be Peppa or Pumpkin just meandering about, exploring their domain. That kind of thing.
Again, I thought nothing of it and continued to play games and enjoy the radiophonic delights on offer.
Then Pumpkin walked past. Followed by Peppa. From the direction of upstairs. They’d not been responsible for what I saw out of the corner of my eye.
Again, I thought nothing of it and carried on.
And then I caught something again, just in my peripheral vision. I assumed it to be Peppa or Pumpkin coming back in. Because you would. So I ignored it, and carried on playing and chilling and coughing.
And then there was a bit more movement. And a little bit more. Almost as if whatever was just at the edge of my vision really wanted to be seen.
I turned to find three cats lined up on the doorstep, just staring in it at me. Three cats of which zero percent belonged here. Three cats who just stood there and stared at me staring at them. None of us wanting to move. I mean, I wanted to move, but I figured I’d seen things like this in the movies and if I’d made a move into the kitchen then cats would leap on me from atop cupboards and on the worktops and such like and by the time Carole came home from Brighouse I would be nothing but some gnawed-on bones and a pile of phlegm.
And because, previously, I’ve been distracted by cats at the door, only to re-enter the house and find a cat that isn’t ours at the top of the stairs which I then could not find anywhere in the house.
It might actually still be here.
Maybe the other ones came to claim it back.