For some reason, I love a bit of needless celebrity news. Not the big things – I don’t care about the love cheats or any of that kind of stuff. It’s the ridiculously small stuff I enjoy, sort of like The Green Room in the Metro only with as little as possible to deal with Neil Sean – incidentally, a man who is not only thoroughly unlikeable but also fully confirms the “there’s something about people who have a first name for a surname” rule. Anyway, Dave Gorman did all the Neil Sean stuff, so I will leave it at that.
Basically, I like stuff that’s pointless. And if it’s pointless enough that I have to take a picture of it then so much the better.
For example, amid the numerous pictures of Peppa, fruit with faces drawn on and things Carole has Sent via Whats App is a picture of a snippet from a magazine article which, I’ll be honest, I can quote pretty much word-for-word in which it is revealed that Kelly Brook, in order to keep an eye on the calories, makes her own sandwiches.
I hope you were sitting down before you read that. Or not wearing socks. Because they will have been blown off right there. Peow! They’re gone.
Kelly Brook makes her own sandwiches. I mean, so do Greggs, but I’m not sure that’s to keep the calories down.
The little “you might like this” pop up at the bottom of the Sky News app is like a treasure trove of this crap. 13 co-stars who didn’t get on. You won’t believe who this celebrity is married to/is gay/is gay and married/bought a car off.
And then today, twenty rich celebrities.
The article, which features on a website called Wealth Wrap-Up, takes you through the net worth of twenty celebrities. A lot of them are worth $90 million, as though the writer of the piece just plucked a figure from thin air. I only say that because the rest of the stuff is… well, it’s bollocks isn’t it.
Angelina Jolie, for example, probably spends quite a bit on her grocery bill but this doesn’t put her and Brad off having children.
Serena Williams trains hard to play the sport that she loves.
Gwyneth Paltrow is an actress whose films you might like to see.
Rihanna is worth $90 million mow although that figure might increase when she makes more money.
Someone’s written all this shit. It’s my second favourite list ever after the “Worst Endings To TV Shows” one in which the author of the piece, for almost every show, said she’d not watched it herself but heard the ending was bad. How about don’t write a list of things that you don’t know about in the first place?
Or, in the case of the money one, when you’ve “found out” the net worth of some people but have nothing to flesh it out with…
And remember, Sandra Bullock might be small but she has a big place in our hearts.