So it’s monster sprouts this Christmas. That’s the fun and quirky story the news is running with today. And sprouts are the original Marmite. You either love them or hate them.
Personally I bloody love them. LOVE them.
So I am thrilled that this year, thanks to warm weather at some important sprout growing time they are huge. The size of golf balls. Because whenever you need to compare and contrast sizes it’s best to go with something sporty.
Lengths in football pitches is always a good one.
How long is a football pitch? I don’t know. But I am still happy to read sentences telling me something is as long as three football pitches as though it is a universal unit of measurement.
And it’s the same with golf balls. Lots of things are the same size as golf balls – hailstones, sprouts and lumps, for example. All the size of a golf ball. And we’re expected to know and understand this as, again, a standard unit of measurement.
Sky News, as they are prone to doing, also went to the trouble of getting in an expert to explain that larger sprouts can be cut in half to aid with cooking and that they can also be boiled or roasted this festive season.
As opposed to other festive seasons when… no, they could be cooked in exactly the same way.
And not content with dumbing down that aspect of the sprout, Sky News also seems to doubt our ability to judge the size of the sprout. The words “as big as a golf ball” aren’t enough to sell it.
So the story is accompanied by a picture of a sprout and a golf ball side by side. And you know what, they are the same size. I mean, we’re having to take them at their word that it’s a golf ball sized sprout and not a sprout sized golf ball but after they’ve gone to the trouble of getting in a sprout expert they’re not going to dupe us with the size.
No mention of the flatulence though. I assume that will also be bigger.