I’m not proud of this. I’ll start by saying that.
It’s something that many a person would tut at and dismiss as childish and immature.
Which it totally and utterly was.
But bloody hell if it wasn’t one of the best chuckles I’ve had all day (the other being throwing a banana peel at Carole).
The beauty of a gazillion satellite channels is that their programming starts at different hours of the day. And when it’s not whatever show it might be, there’s usually infomercials. And where there’s infomercials, there is fun to be had. That’s so true, it’a almost a well-known Chinese proverb.
Now, Nicole doodah off of the Pussycat Dolls telling you about something that stops your face “breaking out” is all well and good. After all, you really don’t want to wake up and found that your face has broken out. Of what I’m not sure. But it definitely happens because people kept saying it. And Nicole kept nodding and saying reassuring things because she had a thing that could prevent the outbreaking. It was all very moving.
But then there’s the man who is so enthusiastic. He’s a British guy but he’s always on these infomercials. And he’s always extremely enthusiastic, even when he’s showing you what is, essentially, nonsense. Look, for example, at a vacuum that is so strong it can suck up nuts and bolts.
Why can it do that? Why? I have never looked at nuts and bolts on a surface suitable for hoovering and wished that I have a vacuum that could lift them right off. What you want from a vacuum, if you’re honest, is something that won’t suck up something you don’t want it to suck up just when you think “Well, I hope it doesn’t suck that up. I should probably turn the hoover off and pick that up…”. What he sells are ones where you’d get as far as “Well, I…” and then there’d be the amazing sound of a nut rattling round the insides of your home suction device.
Anyway, today he was creaming himself over steam cleaners. “The toilet!” he exclaimed. “I love cleaning the toilet…” before he showed us how you can clean it at arms length with a steam cleaner attachment. Now, I’m sorry, but I have steam cleaned toilets and I know there’s still a moment when you hope to god your last meal stays down. Because whatever way you slice it, you’re more than likely going to run across the smell of hot urine at some point.
But this all fell by the wayside when a little “satisfied customer” video started, in which a woman – who had already explained she had children aged 5, 3, and 1 – was overjoyed by how well the steamer worked on her entry way and was perfect for keeping her front of house tidy.
Yeah. I know. So childish.
But if you’re going to bandy around words like “front of house” and “entryway” I cannot be held responsible for what happens.
And, as that enthusiastic man says, you can’t under-estimate the power of steam.