Since the back bedroom decorating was completed, Peppa has basically been banned from the room. Not by me. I’m the cool dad in this scenario where a pet is our child. Carole is the mean mum. She’s set the rules. Peppa is not allowed in the room because Peppa will trash it.
Now, this is based on some evidence that Peppa is a huge vandal. When we decorated the hallway – a mammoth task which resulted in some of the most insane arguments ever held by a couple, countless late nights and a hell of a lot of swearing – Peppa, who was only a kitten at the time, climbed the wallpaper like a particularly furry Spider-man.
There’s nothing better, I can assure you, that investigating a noise you believe to be made by a cat only to find that the cat in question is currently above your eye level and clinging to the wall with every single claw engaged. If you visit our house and spend any time in the hallway there are areas that look as if Zorro visited and had some sort of epileptic fit. Slices and slashes abound.
It needs re-doing but it’s something neither of us can face after the last time.
Anyway, that’s by-the-by. That is Peppa’s past form and, based on that, she is now not allowed in the back bedroom.
I mean, that doesn’t mean she hasn’t been in there.
Because, you know, Peppa.
She has a fantastic habit of sitting outside the door just as it’s about to be opened. She’ll sit in such a way that you can’t get out without opening the door wider in order to allow you to step over her black and white form. And when you do that, she nips into the room and rolls around under the bed.
Or she’ll hear the door open and bolt from wherever she happens to be in the house and roll around under the bed.
Or she’ll just appear, like she is prone to do, and roll around under the bed. Teleporting, which any cat owner will confirm is a thing, is one of the most annoying things that Peppa can do. You can be absolutely sure she’s downstairs and then bam! she’s right in front of you. Or, in the case of the back bedroom, rolling around under the bed.
So far she has not trashed any of the wallpaper. I’m sure that she won’t. There’s very little left that I haven’t damaged in some sort of clumsy rampage whilst fitting cupboard doors or whatever, but still Peppa is on strict instructions not to enter the room.
As, it turns out, am I. Presumably for the aforementioned damage. I don’t really know. I just take it as read now that I can’t go in.
Unless it’s to retrieve “my” cat. And then I’m allowed.