Mum asked us to pick up a few bits of shopping for her this week so, you know, she doesn’t starve to death or anything.
One of the things she asked for was a loaf of bread.
So, naturally, rather than buy her a loaf, I’ve made her far too many bread rolls for one woman with a tiny appetite. I think she’ll thank me for them.
What makes the whole thing even better than just completely ignoring mum’s requests – I stopped short of copying the TV guide from the Sky box and bought her a TV guide though – is that the rolls I have made fit in no vessel we have here.
I’ve had to put them in a large bowl and cling-film the top. Which, obviously, is exactly how I would present them on Bake Off. Beautifully shaped, uniform rolls stuffed into a mixing bowl.
I used a packet mix for the bread – only because it’s multiseed and life’s too short to source small amounts of anything with the word “seed” in it. While I was shopping for said mix, I noticed that Paul Hollywood – the king of all baked goods – has a selection of bread doughs available.
One is the “white plaited roll mix”.
Yeah, exactly my friends. Exactly.
This mix is for making plaited rolls.
Because it’s an easy mix, I assume that any roll you make plaits itself. I assume there’s none of the 4 over 1 or whatever it is.
It’s not so much a plaited roll mix as just a white bread mix with instructions on the back as to make a plaited loaf.
It’s the baking equivalent of tartan paint.
But supermarkets are filled with stuff like that. I have a soft spot for Sainsbury’s “outdoor bred pork pies.” Because there’s no finer sight in nature than that of a family of pork pies (collective term: buffet) running free, enjoying the sunshine warming their pastry and setting their jelly aquiver.
I’d love to be a pork pie farmer. Sending out the collie to round them up, getting some of the little ones ready for market in picnic season, fattening up the larger ones nearer Christmas.
It must be very rewarding.